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Confrontation is not something most of us relish. Some of us avoid it like the plague in fact. We’d rather shun someone all the while harbor offense in our heart, or act like nothing happened at all instead of confronting someone and exposing what we feel they did wrong. It really goes back to being so concerned with what people think of us. When should confrontation be a part of our duty as a friend? As a parent or spouse? As a fellow human being? As a Christian?
Paul confronted one of the pillars of the early church; one might even argue THE pillar, Peter, in Galatians 2:11-21. Let me set the stage. Peter used to eat with Gentiles, even lived as if he too were a Gentile rather than a Jew. When James came to town along with some other men who were Jews, Peter began to distance himself from the Gentiles in a way that was very obvious. He did so because he was afraid of what those men would think of him. This didn’t stop with just Peter’s bigotry; the other Jews there joined him. Paul called this hypocrisy!
When we see error, we are faced with a dilemma. Do we confront, look the other way, or do we join in? Confronting a wrong means exposing yourself to possible harm (emotionally or even physically). What would Paul do? It says Paul “opposed him to his face, because he was clearly in the wrong.” He gives us several reasons, among them were : Peter’s actions were hypocrisy and “they were not in line with the truth of the gospel.” He said this in front of them all. We find some helpful traits of effective confrontation from this story that we should implement as well when we are faced with wrong doing (to us or others):
- Oppose them to their face. Go to that individual and share with them what they did (or did not do), what they said, or what act they committed. Do not talk about them behind their back to others, even for their own opinion on the matter. Go directly to the source.
- Make sure they were clearly in the wrong. Paul listed why he knew Peter was wrong. We should establish that before confronting someone. Asking clarifying questions of the individual is the best way of obtaining information, finding their perspective in the issue, and disarming defensiveness.
- Explain why you feel it is wrong. Paul told Peter not just what he did, but why it was wrong and how it affected others. This caused Peter to grow.
- Public confrontation when needed. Most of the time we should confront someone privately. However, in this instance Peter was addressed by Paul in public. He did so because multiple people were influenced by Peter. It was a public wrong/sin/offense so it was confronted in a public manner.
We all miss the mark sometimes (the definition of sin, by the way). Correction is vital to all of us. Let us not be afraid to confront wrongs in a loving, Spirit-led way with the goal of reconciliation and being in line with the truth of the gospel! Let us receive correction with humility and an open mind and tender heart before God.
Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Just then, in the midst of my thoughts, the Holy Spirit brought to my remembrance a time when I corrected someone because I thought they were being critical; but honestly, it was mainly because I was concerned with what others would think when they read what this individual wrote. I immediately knew I needed to ask them for forgiveness. Whether they needed it or not, I needed it. I had to do it to be obedient; I also knew that this was a step I must take to continue to obtain the freedom I so desire from being a people-pleaser. As soon as I got home I wrote an email to this individual asking for their forgiveness and explaining the best that I could my error in being so concerned with what people might think. I also must point out that I needed to do this regardless of whether the other person was wrong or not in anything they may have done. I had to do as much as depends on me. I hit send. I felt relieved and accomplished.
Later, I found myself checking my inbox to see if they replied. “I wonder how they took it,” I thought. In that moment I realized part of my motivation for wanting to see a reply was flawed. Sure, I wanted to find out if they forgave me. But ultimately I think I wanted to be liked. That is certainly humbling to admit. I must be okay with possibly never receiving a response because in the end, I did what I felt convicted to do. It’s out of my hands and my thoughts do not need to be imprisoned. Part of freedom is walking it out. The Lord breaks off the shackles, but we must continue to refuse to put them back on again.
I will walk in freedom, for I have devoted myself to your commandments. (Psalm 119:45 NLT)
It is easy to just view the disciples as a bunch of colossal goofs that are insensitive and selfish, sleeping while their Master is agony and travailing in prayer. But Luke 22:45 gives us a different view of what is motivating the disciples: “He found them exhausted from sorrow.” Jesus knew their condition! He knew that they just ate the Passover Supper that it was late at night, and they were exhausted and sorrowful as well. Sleepiness is even a symptom of grief. BUT, he still appointed them to prayer for that “hour.” Jesus told them to pray so that they would not enter into temptation. He knew what was ahead for Himself, but also fully well what was ahead for them “I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep will be scattered” (earlier in vs. 27). Christ Jesus had such deep concern for them that he checked on them three times.
I don’t believe that Jesus’ instruction to His disciples to watch and pray was merely telling them the importance of personal prayer or that they needed the discipline of prayer in their lives. I believe that Jesus was calling them to a specific “hour” or span of time in which was to be spent in prayer. I firmly believe that we as a church are being called to an “hour” of prayer. I believe that this is a prophetic call. Are you sleeping spiritually? Please pray with me.
The world’s economy has the following philosophies:
- I must try to be the person (or company) that someone looks to exclusively for <insert service or product>.
- I must not allow others to learn too much from me, because I will make myself (or company) obsolete, not needed, or desired as much.
- I must not give away freely <insert service or product> that I could benefit or profit from.
- If I am the “only game in town” that will raise the demand for my supply, thus raising the price and/or profit for me.
How the world does business has greatly influenced our mindset unfortunately when it comes to serving, ministry, and leadership. If I protect what I have and do not share it so that others may do what I do; I increase my worth to those around me. Ultimately we don’t give freely, graciously, and extravagantly to others because we don’t want them to pass us up!
God’s economy is completely different. God so loved the world that He freely gave His son; John the Baptist pointed to Jesus instead of receiving the attention (or profit) for himself; Elijah gave a double portion of his anointing to Elisha. Jesus sent out his twelve disciples/apostles/leaders with the following instructions:
“Do not go among the Gentiles or enter any town of the Samaritans. Go rather to the lost sheep of Israel. As you go, preach this message: ‘The kingdom of heaven is near.’ Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those who have leprosy, drive out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.” (Matthew 10:5-8)
If we only want to make our name (or service that we offer) great, then we should keep our flawed business world’s economy. If we want to make Jesus Christ’s name great and multiply ourselves and what we do for our church and God’s kingdom then we should freely give and impart what we have to others. We must duplicate ourselves to be a true success. Make yourself expendable!
All of us have experienced the white hot heat of a vibrant and intimate relationship with God before. You know, when you have a hunger for His Word; prayer seems effortless; worship songs are playing in your head and you can’t wait to talk about Him. But then something happens; it becomes different, not as enjoyable, more of a chore, just not the same! We are left scratching our heads as to why things have changed, particularly when it happens gradually. Romans 12:11 admonishes us:
“Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.”
How does one keep their spiritual fervor? When life seems to be beating you down even on a good day, how do we not lack zeal?! In the context of his total thoughts, the Apostle Paul surrounds vs. 11 above with how we do it. A summary of Romans 12:9-21:
- Love must be sincere. God desires authenticity in our relationship with Him and others
- Hate what is evil. We must make sure we remove all known sin in our life. It can’t have a hold on us, if we want a hold on God!
- Cling to what is good. That’s “G.I. Joe Kung-Fu death grip” kind of clinging.
- Be devoted to one another. Be a man or woman of commitment. Stick with your commitments.
- Honor one another above yourself. Make others more important. It’s not all about us! If you have a struggle, pray for someone else going through the same thing.
- Be joyful in hope. Happiness comes from happenings. Joy however comes from the Holy Spirit. Fan that joy into flame.
- Patient in affliction. “This too shall pass” and the Lord matures us through these trials.
- Faithful in prayer. Pray even when you aren’t feeling it. He will meet you where you are. Listen as well as speak.
- Care for those in need. This is a perspective gainer.
- Practice hospitality. Receive people in your life, often God will speak through them.
- Bless those who persecute you. You are in the same company as Christ: He was persecuted and chose to only bless them in return. Do likewise.
- Rejoice and mourn with others. Enter into their life, share life, and give life.
- As much as depends of you, live at peace with everyone. You do what God would have you do. Leave the other person’s response in God’s hands.
- Do not be overcome with evil. Jesus freed us from the power of sin, why should we be slaves to it again?
“Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.”
1 Corinthians 15:58 (NLT)
So, my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and immovable. Always work enthusiastically for the Lord, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless.
I received a phone call today from one of the leaders in our church. She has spent countless hours counseling, comforting, confronting, and even cajoling someone in whom she has actively discipled to live for Christ Jesus and not her former way of life. During this time there have been victories and defeat as she mentored and loved her. Now, this individual has regressed. The frustration and sadness could be heard in this leader’s voice as she shared with me on the phone. Sound familiar to you? As leaders and disciple makers we too have experienced heartbreak. I heard someone once say, “Ministry would be great if not for the people!” We must remember that Jesus died for those people, in whom we are included.
Paul encourages us with his words to the Corinthian church. We are reminded that we must be strong and immoveable. Nothing should be allowed to knock us off course. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength! Our Lord does not want us to be miserable or grudgingly serve him; He wants our work to be full of enthusiasm and enjoyment—even when we experience setbacks. And finally, we are reminded that nothing we ever do for the Lord is useless! He redeems our time and our effort.
25 Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. 26 When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to his mother, “Dear woman, here is your son,” 27 and to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time on, this disciple took her into his home.
It has often been said that when Jesus went to the cross He was already thinking of you and me. He knew those in whom He would ransom by taking our place in death. I’m convinced we were certainly in His thoughts and the purpose of His motivation. John’s gospel account gives us a unique detail from Christ’s crucifixion. Before Jesus said “It is finished.” (19:30) we see something else that He was very mindful of—His own mother! At this moment, on the cross, if anyone had ever had a valid excuse of being too busy to care for His mother surely Jesus would have. Instead, even in the midst of physical and spiritual agony Jesus had loving concern for His mom and her welfare. How about you and I? Do we allow ‘life’ and ‘things’ to prevent us from making sure our mom is well taken care of? How is your relationship with mom?
“Movement through a position is far easier than sustaining a position.” The picture – a suspension of a single moment – makes it look easy. And, in truth, the greatest dancers make it look easy in life. But it isn’t easy.
Sustaining a position takes self-control, dedication and gumption to fight.